


Together? (The Unquiet Dead)

by The_Sarcasm_Fairy



Series: So Was I [3]
Category: Doctor Who & Related Fandoms, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Doctor's POV, Episode: s01e03 The Unquiet Dead, F/M, Season 1, and people died, and so was the doctor, bad choices were made, it was sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-22
Updated: 2015-08-22
Packaged: 2018-04-16 15:16:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 843
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4630098
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Sarcasm_Fairy/pseuds/The_Sarcasm_Fairy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Besides, how could he have resisted helping them? Their story was perfect: physical bodies destroyed by the Time War, searching for a new home. Pity the Gelth.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Together? (The Unquiet Dead)

Guilt is never a good thing for anyone to carry. It weighs on the soul and the conscious until its hard to function at all without feeling a stab of pain. With any amount of guilt its hard to feel good or happy about yourself. Pretty soon all you want is to do something good, something to counter the horrible guilt. And no one carries as much guilt as the Doctor, or does more good. But its never really enough for him to feel good. He pretends all right, he pretends all the time. He puts on a mask when he's out in the world, a mask of ridiculous grins and laughs and sarcastic wit. He erects walls around his real emotions and hides them so deep in himself you'd never know they're there unless he lets you in. And he doesn't let anyone in anymore.

And he'll do anything he can to alleviate that guilt. The problem is, sometimes the good he does turns out to be bad.

Sometimes, when he's fooled into doing the wrong thing, it only adds to his guilt.

Rose never suspected any of that. Not until the Gelth. The blue, gaseous creatures that haunted the house of Mr. Sneed. She couldn't see behind his mask yet, though she had gotten glimpses. Glimpses of sadness bigger than anything she could comprehend and loathing, loathing for himself and sometimes for other creatures. Cassandra was the first time she saw that. The first time she saw his desperation to do good was the Gelth.

Because, how could he resist helping them? Their story was perfect: their physical bodies destroyed by the Time War, searching for a new home. Pity the Gelth.

So of course, it was his fault. The Time War was his people's fault, and the destruction wrought by it was as well. The only Time Lord left, it fell on him to help ease the suffering caused by it. He had to help the Gelth get bodies. He had to do it, to help himself as much as them.

So he didn't listen to Rose's objections, he encouraged Gwyneth. Anything to help get rid of this awful pain weighing down on his empty, lonely mind.

Then it all went wrong. Mr. Sneed's death, Dickens running off. Him and Rose trapped in the dungeon, side by side. Preparing to die.

"But I can't die," Rose says. "Tell me I can't. I haven't even been born yet, its impossible for me to die. Isn't it?"

He looks over at her. Fantastic, beautiful, clever Rose. And all he can think to say is "I'm sorry."

He has to explain, of course. How she can die before she's born. Die and become one of the Gelth.

He doesn't want to die. Surprising, that, considering he got this body by offing himself after he destroyed Gallifrey. But he doesn't want to. And he doesn't want Rose to die, no, never Rose. She doesn't deserve to die here because of his stupid decisions.

"We'll go down fightin', yeah?" She says shakily.

"Yeah." He replies.

"Together?"

"Yeah." He says again. She grabs his hand and as their fingers entwine he's struck by an emotion so powerful he can't even breathe for a moment. He doesn't know what it is, this burning in his hearts, but as he turns to look at Rose he vocalizes it in the only way he can.

"I'm so glad I met you." He says. His mask comes off as he does so when she looks up and smiles that beautiful smile of hers, she's seeing the real him. Doesn't even know it, but she is.

"Me too." She replies, squeezing his hand, and he smiles as well. That true, proper smile he only gets when he's around her.

Then Dickens is back, filling the room with gas and drawing out the Gelth. He barely has time to consider how brilliant that man really is before they're free and Dickens is dragging Rose out. He gives Gwyneth a kiss on her cold, dead forehead and runs, getting out of the house just as it blows up.

They say goodbye to Dickens and he chuckles at his expression as the TARDIS begins to dematerialize. But all the while the burning is still in his hearts, distracting him every time Rose speaks. When she announces she's going to bed he nods, then pushes himself away from the console to wrap her in a hug. He doesn't really know why, but he does anyway. He feels her bury her face in his leather-clad shoulder, the tension in her body relaxing just a bit.

No, he won't name that strange emotion he's feeling. He's not sure he can just yet. He just knows that this silly, stupid ape in his arms has become more important to him in two days than he thought anyone could again. And it's scary, but he doesn't really care. As long as she's here, he'll be all right. As she said just a few hours ago: its better with two.


End file.
